All too often we go through life not even knowing something is wrong with us. Most things sit silently inside us, waiting for the right time to present itself. You can be living your life, thinking that things are completely normal and then all of a sudden you get hit with the real truth of it all. An explanation for everything.
As I write this, I am thinking about life as a whole. We really are quite pathetic creatures when you think about it. We are born, it takes us about 12 months to even start walking on our own, and we stay with our parents until we are around 18 years old. In comparison with the rest of the world, most creatures achieve so much more in that short amount of time (excusing the fact they probably don’t live quite as long). But life can be filled with unknowns.
Not even a month ago, life was going along quite well, things were fine. Then, as quickly as anything, your life is thrown into a spiral of unknown. Illness can strike anyone, at any time. You can be healthy as an ox, and still have something go wrong. For me, the waiting is the killer. My brain goes into overdrive, imagining the worst possible outcomes of every situation. Constant panic and anxiety have filled my life for the last few weeks. I don’t actually know how I have managed to keep it together for my kiddos each day. But somehow I show up, I teach, and then I spiral back into my own secluded world of self-made despair.
For me, the QLD health system was incredible, and within 3 months I had been given a diagnosis – something that can take other women years to achieve. Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), affects one in ten women in their reproductive years. It is a common hormonal condition, which, unfortunately, is for life. It is hereditary and often goes undiagnosed in so many women. It is extremely disruptive to the body and mind of the women who have this condition. Irregular menstrual cycles, skin troubles, excessive hair growth or loss, fatigue, chronic weight problems, as well as cysts on the ovaries leading to fertility issues, are all part of the variety of side effects associated with the condition. Those close to S and I will know that children are a huge part of our future. And knowing that this may be extremely difficult, or not be possible, broke my heart. S is, as always, extremely supportive in every single aspect. For this I am eternally grateful. He has that approach to life. “Why worry about it now, we will know more and deal with it when we come to that” he always tells me. Unfortunately for me I am the complete opposite, I will worry about these things until it becomes almost irrational, until it makes me sick. It’s just not in my nature to be any other way.
Unfortunately PCOS is not curable, and has to be managed, without much help from healthcare professionals. There is a blanket approach to the condition, which involves taking Metformin (a diabetes drug) and getting plenty of exercise whilst restricting carbohydrates. I am slowly discovering this is not the way I want to live my life. It makes me extremely angry that there isn’t more guidance and help out there. And I’m sure that this is the same across the board with many other diseases and conditions. I have always struggled with a lot of the side effects of PCOS, without even knowing that this was the cause. My weight has always been a huge problem, gaining it easily, and finding it extremely difficult to lose it. I have never had a regular and reliable menstrual cycle, which comes with its own difficulties. This in turn is the reason why so many women have issues conceiving. If your menstrual cycle is not regular, then eggs aren’t being released from the ovaries regularly. Meaning conception can be extremely difficult. It is not impossible, but I can only imagine the stress of the process would be extremely exhausting and mentally draining.
This entry is not a ‘poor me’ piece. It is an awareness piece. So next time you ask someone “when are you having a baby?” or “are you pregnant yet?” just think about what that could possibly do when you say that. They may have been struggling for years to fall pregnant. They may have already fallen pregnant and suffered a loss. They may have PCOS, Endometriosis or other fertility issues. Or they simply may not be ready for that chapter of their life, now or ever. This simple question can have so many flow-on effects. So next time you decide that it is your business to know, just remember, it’s actually not your business to know that, because you do not know the circumstances surrounding that topic whatsoever.
More information and support can be found through the following links:
Resources for Women with PCOS – Monash Centre for Health Research and Implementation (MCHRI)
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)
